Blind Spots: You can’t see you’re what hiding from yourself

Whoa! Don’t we all hate having something we do pointed out to us?

I can still be touchy AF about someone saying something well meaning because to me it still sounds like criticism. There’s still an shy eight year old inside who thinks she’s doing all the right things and no matter what she does, how much she gives, it’s never enough. As I said yesterday, there’s always more work to do.

And the reason I got all touchy was my coach pointing out to me how I do everything all by myself and she suggested, kindly of course, that it was okay to allow someone to take care of me. In fact, it would be a good thing to be taken care of and supported.

Well, that was me, off to the races with all my, ‘I’ve survived, I’m thriving now, and I did it all by myself, I had to, there was no-one else, I don’t rely on anybody else, I can’t, they’re never there when I need them. I’m independent. I’ve had to be.’

And then I stopped because I know why I’m all those things because I couldn’t  rely on anyone to take care of me when I was young, in fact I was often the caregiver for my younger siblings.

But does it have to be that way now? I’m an adult, a woman with a need for connection, affection and yes, being taken care of.

This is a hugely vulnerable post for me to write and I feel so exposed right now but I also know that it’s time.

Time to heal this grief and pain and let it go. As far as I can right now.

My mentor gave me some journal prompts to use to kickstart the mindset changing around this and I added one too. And I feel silly even writing them, which means they’re definitely hitting an old belief, so I’m going to use the belief buster exercise I shared last week to create some new beliefs around this issue and heal.

Men love to take care of me and treat me like a goddess and a queen.

I allow people to help me move forward in life. I accept help graciously.

I accept love and care, I am supposed to be taken care of.

The great thing is that I recognised my resistance immediately and then decided to jump into the work regardless.

That’s the best thing, not that I’ve discovered something to heal because there will always be something, but how quickly I moved from resistance to acceptance. That’s growth.

Before I wouldn’t have listened and those journal prompts and the way they make my stomach churn and squirm?

I’d have ignored them, pushed it all to one side and got on with my day doing all the other stuff because its easier. But this has been put in front of me and one of my motivational affirmations from years ago was ‘I do the work the Universe puts in front of me.’

I always thought it meant work, as in outside, getting paid work and I did everything back then when I was struggling to find a way to make this mind training work pay. I cleaned houses, I had a dog walking and dog sitting business, I did some freelance copywriting and whatever else I could think of.

Now, I know the way to create the life I want is to go within and do the work there. The work of connecting with the frozen parts of me from my past, the work of changing how I think, the work of changing my beliefs at the foundational level of my thinking, heart and soul.

And its harder work that anything else, but it’s also the most rewarding work you’ll ever do.

Heal yourself. Learn to love yourself, not just the ‘acceptable’ bits but all of you. Change your life by changing how you think and always, always, ALWAYS, start within.

Because you are worth it.

Because you deserve to live a life whole, healthy and integrated in body, mind and spirit.

Because when you heal, you give other people permission to heal too.

When you reconnect with all of you, you shine brighter.

Do what the Universe brings you today. Do the work that’s put in front of you.

Heal. Grow. Love.

Love,

Cynthia xx

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