Its almost time for the breakdown!

I know – Christmas, a time of joy and good will, everyone in festive high spirits, calling out ‘Happy Christmas’ and smiles all round.

At least, that’s what the tv adverts would have you believe, and the media and most especially people’s social media posts.

All that joy! Everywhere!

Except it isn’t. Not really.

There’s the people who are worrying about how to afford the gifts their children want for Christmas, and those who are worrying about how to heat their home and feed their family at the same time.

There’s the people who are worrying about spending so much time at home with their family and what if tempers flare, or the constant criticism that reduces someone to feeling like a victimised five year old even though they are a grown adult?

There’s those who wonder how they’ll get through the day without resorting to wine at 11am whilst they prepare the vegetables or how they’re going to find a quiet corner to indulge in their thrice daily masturbation habit.

These are all worries clients have had and there’s always one answer.

Reconnect to what’s important to you. Leave behind the drama, connect to love.

Its time to face up to what all your tools of distraction and avoidance are hiding from you. Drop the addictions and find you path to healing.

One of the best ways to do that is to not take anything personally.

Yes, I know, that’s a hard ask. This is family. It all feels personal.

I’ve been there myself. My father never made any secret of the fact that my sister was his favourite child, and it left me particularly out in the cold, as my brothers were loved and accepted for being boys, his first born and his youngest. But me, I was someone he couldn’t understand and so he ignored me and lavished all his attention on my younger sister.

And yes, even now, that still hurts when I think of some of the displays of favouritism.

But, I also know that he couldn’t do anything else, we are not suited, for whatever reason we don’t gel and its not personal, its just how it is.

So, when I see him making a fuss over my siblings and their children, giving them gifts I would never ever expect to receive from him, I’ve learned to let it go. Its his issue not mine.

Is it worth me getting upset over? No. Is it worth me eating all the chocolate in the world over? No. Getting drunk over? No.

Have I done those things over it?

Yes, at one time or another. Sure. And often all at the same time!

But not now. Because I know my value. I know my worth and I connect with my Higher Self and I feel the love that Source has for me and I let the petty jealousy go.

My father’s role in my growth as a human being is major. Without him, I may never have become conscious to who I am and what I’m capable of, and I’m so grateful for that.

No-one pushes our buttons like our families, and quite often its done deliberately to see us react. And when you get outraged and upset, you’ll be accused of not being able to take a joke.

So set boundaries.

Great big boundaries with warning signs so they know they’re getting close to the limit before you erupt. In fact, don’t erupt, do whatever you said you’d do when you have the boundary setting talk with them.

And yes, you do need to clearly set out what your boundaries are. Otherwise they won’t know. And you’ll need to set out the consequences and mean it.

If you say that you’ll get up and leave if they mention something you find offensive and they go ahead and d#say it. Get up and leave.

You must be prepared to stand by your boundaries and act. This way they will learn you’re serious about your word and intentions and they don’t get to play ‘needle the sensitive one’ anymore.

Equally, set boundaries on your own behaviour. You find healthy ways to regulate your nervous system. You connect in with your personal peace practice, whatever that is. Protect your hard won emotional equilibrium.

There are many people facing difficult circumstances this year and we can’t help or save all of them. I think about those people making that dangerous journey across the English Channel, people who have already seen horror unimaginable, traveled in dreadful conditions and stayed squalid camps in the hope of finding hope and humanity and a new home.

There are migrants and crisises all over the world. Sitting in my home, warm under blankets with a hot water bottle at my feet, I can only be thankful for all I have and choose to find empathy for a man I once thought had ruined my life.

If we give ourselves a chance, we grow bigger than any circumstance that looks to constrain us to who we were in our past. We are not our past mistakes and missteps.Just as we are not our thoughts and feelings, we are so much more than that.

Tap into consciousness, see how eternal and universal you truly are.

Love,

Cynthia xx

Be Your Own Lighthouse is taking a Christmas time break. We are re-enrolling in January to restart for Thursday 6th. Join us and give yourself the best gift ever, connection to your soul.