Look Within to Find Your Inner Wisdom

I nearly died last night.

I know! Dramatic opening to this post, right?

But yeah, I nearly died last night and I’m still processing what happened and what it means for me now, how I allow this event to change me for the better.

It was self inflicted and reflects how I live in many ways, rushing to get things done, looking to the next thing, not fully processing the current moment. I have a friend who used to say something to me that really annoyed me, ‘How you do one thing is how you do everything.’

It annoyed me because I know its true and so I’m reflecting on how what happened last night highlights my behaviour in other areas of my life.

What happened? You want to know, right?

Well, I was eating my dinner, roasted beetroot with carrot, parsnip and potato mash. The beets had been cut into inch long pieces and roasted and were sweet and nutty, I love beetroot. But I have this habit of reading the papers whilst I read, so I’m not giving my conscious attention to my food or the process of eating. And I also eat really fast, shoveling food into my mouth like its a race.

And I forget to chew and just swallow bites whole.

And one large piece of beetroot went down the wrong way and lodged there.

I instantly knew I was in trouble. I have breathing difficulties already, I can’t breathe through my nose and my lungs are compromised but this was a far more immediate choking sensation. I couldn’t get air into my body, I couldn’t get the lump of beetroot moved. I was hacking and coughing and spitting and nothing was shifting this thing. I thumped myself on my chest and belly, I was in a complete panic and imagined myself dying on the kitchen floor and leaving my darling Amelia alone with my body.

I tried water and of course that made it worse, I was dying, I could not breathe, I couldn’t shift the lump and I was spiraling.

I went outside to see if I could find a neighbour to help, still hacking spittle into a cloth. The first door I knocked on, there was no answer and every other house was dark. I turned to go up the road a bit to another house, all the time, taking shallow little pants to get air past the blockage and did I mention how much it hurt?

I was stumbling about like a drunk and bent over to hack once more and it shifted slightly. I relaxed, I was going to be okay, it hadn’t fully shifted yet but it was easier now and I knew I could recover from here.

I went back to the house, crying with terror and relief. All in all, it must have lasted about ten minutes but they were the longest ten minutes of my recent life.

In fact my throat and chest still hurt today.

One thing that crisis made clear was just how strong the survival instinct is. I have all my spiritual beliefs about how we are all energy and we go on in another form but I fought to stay right here, no matter the bliss of the energy of Higher Self I wasn’t ready to let go of the physical realm just yet.

So what does that mean for you?

Well what last night showed me was how I was once again rushing into something new, (another coaching course) without accessing if it was what I really needed, without having completed many of the courses I’ve already bought and without actually checking in with my Inner Wisdom and Higher Consciousness.

I still have difficulty with getting quiet and tapping into my Higher Self, tuning into that Inner Wisdom, turning on my connection to Higher Consciousness and receiving the information and then acting on it.

Its something I do regularly to feel good, but using to actually guide me as I walk around, I’m not doing that enough.

I want to learn to trust my Inner Voice. I’m sure you would like to, too.

If so, join me tonight for the beautiful space we co-create in Be Your Own LightHouse, where tonight we will focus on the gift of our Inner GPS, how we can use our emotions to know we are on the right path and following the signs, visions and guidance we receive.

I hope to see you there,

Love,

Cynthia xx