We are human beings.
Meaning that being who we are, expressing how we feel is part of our biology. What we are born for.
And yet we keep doing. Doing, doing, doing.
All the time busy, busy, busy.
I barely slept last night, tossing and turning, the usual I’ll say this and then he’ll say that and then I’ll say this difficult future conversation running round and round and then again.
I gave up and got up in the dark, walked Amelia and now the tiredness is pressing on me like a weight on my head and shoulders. And its a tonne.
So today, its switch off and read and I have the perfect book for it.
Mariah Carey’s new memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey.
I’ve already read the preface and the introduction and it almost brought me to my knees. Because she could have been writing about me – apart from the amazing singing voice!
In the introductory chapter, Mariah writes about how she wanted to keep safe the lost, lonely little girl locked inside of her and of course that struck a chord with me.
She writes about feeling like an outsider, always alone, always looking in hoping to be invited to join in, to belong.
She says that she wrote this book to give that little girl a voice, to tell her story and to set free all the silenced little girls and boys everywhere.
Her pain is my pain. Maybe it’s yours too.
As I always say, many people who seem to have everything they want have that hole inside of them, that hurt, that longing to belong. Nothing on the outside of us will ever fill that up.
You have to reconnect to that inner you, you have to heal from your past.
Most of us push away the idea of dealing with our childhood, I know I did.
Its done, I’m over it, I settled those scores long ago.
And yet, the hurt kept showing up in my life, in my body, in a thousand cuts here and there and everywhere.
And I kept ignoring it until I couldn’t go on any longer.
I collapsed, I fell apart, I broke into a million pieces like shattered glass.
Like the mirror I used to look in without ever meeting my own eyes, hit by a hammer blow.
Life isn’t meant to be like that. Hiding from our past, hiding from ourselves.
What if you could be free from it?
What if today, you just said fuck it. no more. I’ve had enough of this shit.
And instead of struggling with who you are now, with all the pain and the bad habits and the things you want to change, you just decided to be the truth of who you really are.
Not the you whose childhood experience and an adult’s lifetime of reinforcement has learned to cope by avoidance and acting out and harming oneself.
The pure you. The true essence of who you were born to me without all the other shite mucking you up.
What if instead of you falling apart, life now fell into place?
Just because you decided to stop struggling, to stop fighting with addictions and bad behaviour and emotional seesaws and you just draw a line under it and say I’m done with it.
And go forward now, perfectly you.
No one else like you. You unlike anyone else.
Confident as a newborn baby that you are loved, welcomed, necessary and absolutely in your right place.
Not what if, not maybe, but yes, absolutely yes, Now. Today.
Let’s make it easy.
Whatever you do today, check in and ask, ‘Am I being true to my soul? Am I showing up fully as I was born to do?’
Even if you’re lying on the sofa, reading Mariah’s book, are you fully being you?
What would that look like?
Only you know in the deepest part of your heart and soul.
Be the person that you always knew you could be, that you were destined to be.
The best you thought you were capable of is only the beginning.
Have a fantastic day.
Be you. Be best.
PS. Oh my gosh, it’s coming soon, my brilliant, amazing, fabulous mindset reset for seasonal depression. Getting the winter blues? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. A fabulous, I think I said that already but it bears repeating, programme to change your dread of the coming winter into excited delight at the treats this beautiful season has in store for you.
From SAD winter blues to winter wonderland delight. If you’re interested in learning more before I officially launch, leave a comment below. xx
PPS. Here’s a short 2 minute video of Mariah seeing her finished book for the first time. If this doesn’t bring tears to your eyes, I don’t know what will.