Be careful what you wish for…

cos you just might get it!

Isn’t that the way it goes?

And there’s a part of me that totally rejects that concept. A part of me that thinks that if you get what you wished for then everything must be fantastic, right?

But then I remember that old Irish fable about a man stealing a Leprechaun’s pot of gold and being granted three wishes. His first wish? To be the richest man in his village, and immediately every other male in the surrounding area dies, leaving him with the same financial resources as he had before but now, yes he was indeed the richest man in his village.

This made him a bit more wary but he decided there was no way the Leprechaun could trick him with his next wish and he asked to live for 400 years. And he was instantly turned into an oak tree, his fate now to live as a tree, not a strong, virile young man for 400 years.

And every year the Leprechaun would come back to the tree and ask if he was ready to use his third and last wish.  And of course, a tree couldn’t answer him. And this went on for many years and the land around the tree changed over the decades that went past and nothing was now familiar, all the people and places he’d once known as a man were long gone.

But the tree could change as the seasons changed, and one autumn when the Leprechaun showed up, the tree dropped all of its red and gold leaves in a big pile that almost swamped the wee fae trickster.

Obviously, such an ambiguous sign could be open to many interpretations but the Leprechaun ascertained correctly that the oak tree wanted to be cut down, that the man within wanted his unnatural life ended. And so it was.

Three wishes, nothing gained but lessons never to wish for an easy way out.

Maybe. Or maybe it’s just a story.

Anyway, that was not where I meant to go today but the telling of a short story never does any harm.

Yesterday, I talked about blind spots and how to heal the things that come up when they are pointed out to you by other people.

And my big blind spot that needed healing was allowing other help to help and support me, to take care of me. And later that evening I did my belief buster exercise to see what my fear was around allowing other people into my life to take care of me. And whoa, did a great big fear belief come up that needed healing.

And of course, it was based on my childhood and the child me at eight years old had decided that no-one would let her down or hurt her again, she’d make sure of it by never allowing anyone into a position to hurt me. And so all my barriers to allowing intimacy made sense in that way.

And I processed the feelings, the fear and pain with meditation and superconscious dialogue and created a mantra to help me  continue the work and affirm and imprint a new belief.

‘I follow soul. I do what the Universe directs me to do and I allow people into my life to take care of me and support me when they align with my energy.’

And so I asked for all the fear and pain and hurt to be processed as I step up into this new level of being. And of course, I thought that was it, nice and easy.

Oh, the Universe, wanted to make sure I meant it, didn’t it!!

I was directed to ask my brother’s fiance, who’s staying here with me. to be kinder to Amelia and for her to greet Amelia in the morning when she comes down and says Good Morning to me. It always sounds lacking when she speaks to me and ignores Amelia.

Well, the touchpaper was lit!

That started a 2 hour shouting match, all her, not me. I completely disengaged. Then she started on my brother and that lasted into the wee hours of the morning. I went to my bed because this had gone beyond what I’d asked of her to every grievance she had with him. You can read more about that here.

This morning I got up, after a dreadful disturbed night, and went out with Amelia first thing as I usually do. No sign of either my brother or his fiance. And as I was walking Amelia, I realised this was exactly the situation that had created my old belief of not allowing anyone into my life.

Not quite exactly the same, but there I was, out of the house and planning to stay out until they’d gone out, tiptoeing around her mood just as we used to do as children around my father after one of his blow-ups. Which I have to say were much worse because of the physical violence.

How was I stepping up to look after myself, look after that frozen child part inside of my psyche?

Gloriously, I realised this was actually the response to the work I’d started yesterday. This was an opportunity to heal and grow. I had the potential now to release old anchors and hooks that tied me to the past and allow my energy and vibration to rise higher.

This was an invitation to heal and grow, to learn and release.

And as I realised that, I calmed down, I was no longer fearful. No matter what, everything always works out for the best.

I want to sit down and discuss boundaries with my family: to calmly, as adults, create a home environment where we all feel comfortable. And everyone will probably have some compromises to make and that’s okay.

What’s not okay is to allow this just to fade into the background waiting for another blow-up. I don’t live like that anymore.

I’m an adult that can handle anything that comes along. She’s an adult, even if she’s never learned how to process her feelings or moderate her behaviour. And maybe that’s a cultural thing or maybe that’s an excuse.

This work is not easy. I’m not looking forward to this conversation but I know once it’s done, I’ll feel better, we’ll all feel better.

Growth is sometimes painful. But this is how we learn, this is how we grow, this is when we heal. This is how we shed the layers of fear based behaviour we adopted to survive as children.

Whatever else today brings you, I hope you find an opportunity to heal, learn and grow,

Let me know what shows up for you.

Love,

Cynthia xx

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