Choices: There is nothing more empowering than knowing you have other options open to you

Is there anything worse than that feeling of being trapped? Of only having one option available, of there being no other way for you? Of literally having no choice. That’s it, that’s all you’ve got.

When life is like that you feel hunted, vulnerable, defensive and on guard all the time and its bloody exhausting.

Its so draining to spend all your energy, emotional and physical on doing something you don’t want to do but feel like you have no other choice.

It might be doing a job you hate because you don’t think you can get another. Or it could be staying in a relationship that’s not healthy because its all you’ve got and you’re scared of what life alone might be like.

It could be choosing to eat crap food because the amount of diet information feel overwhelming and you simply don’t know what to eat anymore and let’s face it you’re not going to lose the weight and keep it off anyway. See how your thinking closes off any other avenue of thought that could help you?

Oh My God! How we talk to ourselves, especially when we’re stuck.

As if there’s no hope of anything different. And at that moment, there isn’t. Because we are totally unaware of there being any other possibility, we can’t believe life could be different, so it isn’t.

And so we slog on, miserable, tired, defeated.

That’s not what life’s about.

I mean, life’s tough, no denying it, but you can go through it with a sense of adventure, wondering what’s next and collecting happy moments that shine like diamonds in the dark.

Or you can trudge along, head down, never looking around to see anything else because you don’t expect anything different, anything good to show up for you.

Life is painful, fuck yes it is. Its full of loss, grief, guilt, despair and paying taxes.

Life is also beautiful and joyous and uplifting, full of love, laughter and fun.

Life offers us both but sometimes we only pick one to experience and we wade into that murk and stay there. You can experience both, and which you experience more of depends on your focus.

When I lost my Mum, I was broken in two. I was torn apart by a spiral of grief, pain and guilt. I cried all the time, I was angry all the time too. I imagined seeing her everywhere. I tortured myself playing her favourite music, some of which I hated, over and over. I sat in my memories of her final few months in a cancer ward desperately struggling to hold on to life, and I relived it endlessly.

I repeated every visit I made, every minute of it, every conversation with her and the others visiting her and I etched it all, especially my last evening with her in my mind like I was using a laser to burn it into my mind.

And I did that over and over for years, over ten years actually.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t mourn our loved ones, what I’m saying is we don’t need to create more pain because of how we mourn.

Now, I celebrate my Mum’s life, her joy and kindness, her ability to laugh often, love with a big open heart and I remember how close we were and I am filled with joy at having known her and so grateful for all she gave me.

And you might say, sure my pain eased because so much time has passed. And that may well be a factor but I also stopped torturing myself and I started thinking differently.

Last year Reilly died and Reilly was my soulmate, my best friend, my biggest supporter and I have never been loved like I was loved by him. And he started me on my journey of self discovery and taught me so much.

When he got sick last year, I started falling apart. But when he passed on, I grieved for him with a sense of honour and joy mixed with the sorrow. There was not the same self flagellation as there was with my Mum. There was the same deep sense of loss and grief and there was also some guilt but it was counterbalanced by the joy of knowing him, of having him in my life and of sharing so much with this precious being.

I chose to see the love we shared and it was worth the pain. I chose to see how blessed I was at having him in my life instead of just seeing the emptiness of his loss.

There are four core principles of hypnosis and they should be incorporated into every session you have with a hypnotist/hypnotherapist to make lasting change. And these four core principles are also required for you to change your life by changing your thinking.

• Belief
• Imagination
• Conviction
• Expectation

Believe things will change the way you want them to.

See it in your mind’s eye, visualise the life you live changed, touch, taste, feel, hear, sense all the changes in your circumstances and how life shows up for you now.

Commit wholeheartedly, have a deep sense of conviction that it is true and real.

Expect it to show up, without constantly checking for it. Like a meal you ordered at a restaurant, or these days imagine it like a takeaway delivery, you expect it to show up don’t you? You don’t keep ringing asking where it is because you trust its on its way and you expect it to show up on time.

The way to have more choices is to think differently. And you think differently by getting still and calm and opening yourself up to possibility, inviting life in.

Love,

Cynthia xx

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