Don’t let your identity be a foregone conclusion

Every morning, before I write for you, I write for myself. My journal work is about mindset, who I want to be, what I want to create, the life I want to lead and impact I want to make.

It’s important to me to do that every day as it helps me affirm my aims in life, the work I want to do, and how I want to do it. It’s usually a bit of directed thought work, affirmations and some stream of consciousness stuff. It forms the foundation on which I build the day and like RWID, it keeps my attention on what I want from my life and creating the mindset that builds that reality for me rather than just letting life happen to me.

Today, I became aware that I was kinda hiding in my journal, writing out the stuff I know by rote, like lines memorised but I wasn’t digging deep into the knotty, nitty -gritty of what I’d been feeling recently, bringing that to the surface and dealing with it.

And last night as I was eating a handful of M&Ms, peanut ones of course, there’s no other kind worthy of snacking on. Anyway, M&Ms in hand and mouth, I realised that my behaviour in eating the toxic sweets was contrary to the identity of fit, healthy, slim and toned person I wrote about every day in my journal.

I had created another way to hide. Look at me, journaling, creating the life I want while behind the scenes doing nothing to make it happen, the opposite in fact.

So this morning, I started writing about identity and it went into a kind of rant that’s as relevant to you as it is to me. So I’m going to share it here because I think it has value for all of us.

I choose to be the version of me who looks after herself no matter what else is going on, who is healthy and lean and who doesn’t eat M&Ms and other crap. Who is clean and clear and healthy and strong.

I am who I want to be and I don’t want to be anybody else. I want to be the best version of me not a half assed coy of someone else.

I embrace who I am fully. I make mistakes. I’m clumsy, I’m loud. I’m greedy. I overshare. I’m intense. I’m emotional. I’m sensitive. I feel things deeply. I over analyse what people say and do. I can be thoughtless, I can be arrogant and stiff and shy and scared of the world outside the walls I’ve built.

I’m human. I have strengths and weaknesses, and I love all of it, all of me.

And I’m not hiding who I am. I’m not pretending to be perfect or to be the best therapist in the world, or the best neighbour or the best daughter or anything.

I’m a good therapist and for the right people I’m the only therapist for them.

Because I get it. I get them.

I get why they are the way they are, why they hide, why they never want to come out and be fully themselves.

But I also know that until we stop hiding we don’t belong anywhere, we don’t fit in because we don’t know what shape we are, and we don’t truly love and accept ourselves and that’s the worst wound of all.

I choose now to stop hiding and to be me, To lean into God’s guidance and allow myself to be fully directed to give my life for what it was given for.

My message is loud and clear, you can change your life and heal your pain by changing how you think about yourself.

Love Yourself – Open yourself up like a big old house that’s been shut up and shuttered for years. Rip down the old curtains, open the windows and allow light to pour into every dark crevice, nook and cranny.

Check the attics and the basement – find the hidden, the boxed up and put away parts of you. Pull them all into the light and see them, know them, hold them, welcome them as family, they’re more than that of course, they are you. Love them as such.

When we experience shock, hurt, pain, sadness in childhood, when we realise we are not safe, we shut down our emotions, we stop being children – open, sunny, trusting the world was created just for us and we become guarded, insecure, wary. Always alert for danger, always looking for signs of threat.

The wounded inner child needs to be met now by our adult self and enabled to feel all the things we weren’t allowed to feel as children. All the anger, fear, pain, hurt and grief. The incredible sadness of knowing our parents couldn’t be trusted with us.

This takes courage to face the well of emotions that’s been building, unfelt and resisted, for however many years sine you were first made feel unsafe.

I know because I do the work too. Every damn day.

Sometimes it feels like it never gets any easier, especially when current circumstances are less than ideal. Sometimes I do it by rote and that’s when I know I’m falling into the trap of hiding again.

Sometimes I feel the fear and do it anyway, lol. 😉

It’s never easy but some days it is easier. And it’s always better than the alternative. To pretend everything is alright and bottle up what I’m feeling like a damn robot of my own making.

I choose to feel everything, good and bad, bright and optimistic, bleak and painful. I no longer resist how I feel because my feelings are part of who I am, they are true in that moment, and I’m through with denying parts of myself just to please other people.

Don’t like me? Cool, jog on.

Like me? That’s cool too. Tell me who you are, share your dreams and depths and let’s see if we can be friends.

Let’s all be honest, clear, without pretence or holding back.

This is who I am.

And that’s what I do for my clients, because I have to do it for myself. Every damn day. Good or bad.

Be the best – Thanks to Melania Trump for the phrase if not an wholehearted example of this sentiment.

Be the best you. Which means being all of you, the difficult, the bitchy, the greedy, the weak, the bully as well as all the acceptable ‘nice’ parts.

Being the best you doesn’t mean the prettied up for public consumption version of you.

It means being you, showing up in truth, no matter how scary.

If you’re angry, be angry.

If you’re feeling weak and scared, be that.

If you’re feeling on top of the world, be fricking that!

And when you’re feeling low…angry, weak, scared, whatever, go within and ask what age you are and how you can help support that part of you in this moment, help them through whatever circumstance brought that part of your  self forward.

Because you’re the parent to your wounded inner child now. Be that loving, supportive, kind and gentle, encouraging, decent, patient, understanding parent you always wanted. Give that to yourself.

For me, that means the fantasy ‘real’ parents I always felt I belonged to when I was little, always waiting for them to come in and rescue me, rather the the ones I grew up with. And feeling the guilt of that too, because I’m rejecting my parents parenting.

Be all of you and be aware of your responsibilities to the other wounded parts of you.

You were not to blame for what happened to you, it is your responsibility to heal yourself from it.

Love,

Cynthia xx

PS. Below you’ll learn more about how I can support you in your healing journey.

Think what would life be like if your thought processes were upgraded so you became unstoppable. What would life be like if you were able to step up and show up as that best ever version of you that you know you’re capable of?

Picture yourself thriving in life, developing an instinct for making the right choices, knowing in your gut you’re always choosing the correct thing for you.

Imagine any addictions, old anxiety and fear melting away, no longer influencing your thinking, your behaviour, your decisions. You are free to make better choices.

Think how it would feel achieving your goals with far less resistance, knowing you can melt resistance with the power and focus of your attention. You can do it, you have no fears about any of it anymore.

See yourself fully present and grounded, living with fulfillment and satisfaction with how life is unfolding for you, with zero regrets, able to handle anything that comes up as you fearlessly carve your own path forward.

Want this now? Check out this page and get in touch to get started on living your ideal life today. Or simply take the product tour to find out more.