I believe in second chances, and third and fourth and even fifth and more….

Let me clarify that before we get into the detail of why I believe in 2nd chances so much.

I don’t believe in second chances for people who willfully hurt others, who deliberately or thoughtlessly inflict pain whether its emotional, mental, physical or spiritual. Unless they have made efforts to change and then only warily. Who am I kidding? I usually give even the worst people second, third and even fourth chances but eventually I stop and that’s it, there is no coming back after that point. Nope, they’re done.

But for myself, for you to give yourself more chances to start again, to start over in life? The times you can give it another go never run out. NEVER. There’s always space for one more attempt to do the thing you want to do, to create something new, to make that difference in your life.There’s always time and its always the right time.

For the past few weeks I’ve been struggling with my health again, not as desperately as Jan 2019 (3 severe asthma attacks, chest infection, weeks in bed barely able to move), last year was my worst health wise, but it has been tough enough. And I’ve been down on myself for not following my health regimen, for not doing the things I promised myself I’d do: give up sugar, give up bread, give up processed food, eat beautiful, healthy fruit and vegetables, make nourishing meals, meditate every morning and evening, write my journal, write my blog. Basically heal, revive and thrive.

Did I? Well, you already know the answer don’t you? No, I didn’t and from before Christmas I indulged my sweet tooth, chocolate for breakfast? why not, I said and had some. Bread for most of my meals? Well, of course, because its easy, convenient and not at all good for me. Fruit and vegetables? Dumped  in the bin because they sat uneaten until they went off. Pens and journal and the computer went undisturbed for days on end.

And of course my body, which has just as much wisdom and influence as my mind, finally rebelled and shut me down. Talking to my doctor last week, she was, I’ll say ‘surprised’ at all the issues I was dealing with, that I’d not spoken to her about before. Each one enough by itself to warrant medical intervention of some kind. Put them all together and you’re dealing with, well, me! As I am right at this moment, feeling like a walking catastrophe.

And even so, with all the medications she prescribed, I still didn’t act, I didn’t even fill out the prescriptions until yesterday. Because of my belief that I don’t react well to medication and I don’t like/need to take it.

But yesterday I filled out those prescriptions and today I started taking some of them. And the reason I did that was because I attended the respiratory specialist and their machines were able to analyse my breathing patterns and gauge the percentage of my lung capacity I was using. Turns out the top half of my lungs are only working at just over 50% capacity. That’s bad enough, but it gets worse.

The bottom half of my lungs? Working at 22% capacity! Yep, I am getting less than a quarter of my lung capacity to absorb oxygen into my body. No wonder I have been so tired for the past year, I am severely under oxygenated.

The inflammation causing the poor absorption in the bronchi in the bottom half of my lungs probably dates back to Christmas 2018 and January last year when I had several severe asthma attacks in just a couple of weeks and tried to deal with it by sucking on my Ventolin inhaler. Not a smart strategy. And I’ve been struggling with my breathing ever since.

Today, I started over in my self care, again. And this time I am prioritising my health and asking for and taking the advice of professionals and not assuming I can ‘think’ myself into better health. I’m taking the prescribed medication, I’m going to attend the follow up appointments and I’ll also speak to my team of herbalist and specialists and using all of that together I’ll get better.

And I will also start again with my healthy eating plan, meditation and journaling goals will be factored in too at some point.

I’m not going to go all gung-ho and try to change everything at once, I know that doesn’t work and I know I don’t have the energy to fight my habitual behaviour patterns right now.  But I’ll do what I can and increase slowly, widen the circle to improve in more areas, gently switching good habits for bad ones.

Instead of toast for breakfast today I had an apple, orange and pomegranate medley. It was delicious and much tastier than a slice of toast.  Have I made such efforts before? Yes, of course. Will this last? All I can say is today I am committed to taking care of myself by eating right and I hope and intend to renew my commitment every morning.

I’ve written this piece which counts as both journal and blog and today I will stay away from sugar because that does untold damage to my body and kills just as surely as any other addictive substance. It just does it slower and is given a name that is not directly linked to the cause. Unlike alcohol/alcoholism, sugar causes diabetes and cancer, see how that works? And sugar still gets added to almost every food produced in a factory!

I’m giving myself another chance because I deserve it. You deserve every chance you can give yourself too. Are you willing to give it another go?

Love,

Cynthia xx