Ever feel like you have the last straw on top of the last straw on top of the last straw on your back?
And what is that straw, where did it even come from?
Or maybe you feel more like you’re being boxed in and the walls are getting pushed in, closing in on you, with no way out?
Or some people describe it as being held back like struggling to walk in knee high quick drying cement?
I get it, I do. There are times when I see other people, trained in similar protocols to me and they’re on a national stage or blowing up online (in a good way) and I’m sat at home watching this on my tablet. And I’m thinking about how I’m every bit as good as them, how my knowledge and experience is deeper and yet there they are doing better, having a bigger impact, getting greater visibility, seeing and helping more people and here I am still worrying about where my next five clients are coming from.
Do you know what I do when I get in that funk? I get a pen and paper (yes, another writing exercise!) and I put this title in bold at the top of the page, ‘What the F@*k is Holding me Back?’
Below that I write out the question again, ‘what the f*ck is holding me back?’ and I start writing and the answers come. Because your brain is designed to find answers, it will go looking for what you need. The trick is to actually ask the questions!
‘What the f*ck is holding me back?’
Or another favourite is ‘What am I avoiding?’ and don’t stop with the first question.
With every answer you ask the question again, ‘What else is holding me back?’
And again ‘What else is holding me back?’
And again, And again. And again.
Keep going until there’s nothing left in there, until you have all the answers and then do a belief vs truth exercise. Something like Morty Lefkoe’s method or Byron Katie’s The Work.
There’s no need to make it overly complicated, you look at the answers you’ve got from your subconscious and then interrogate them. Ask is this true? Is it true for me right now? When was it true if it was ever true?
And then ask what if it wasn’t true? What if I didn’t believe this and just did it anyway?
Because the last straw, the ever decreasing box, the quick drying cement? All of that stuff is your beliefs. that’s all it is and yet it can feel like an impenetrable wall, or a load of bricks on your back, solid and immovable. And yet, its not real, it doesn’t exist outside of your mind.
When you avoid something, you’re hiding from something else and its just an excuse to stay in your safe bubble and not risk rejection, judgement, loss, ridicule. And maybe this is actually the thing you need to do to take care yourself and step up in life.
If you’re reading this then you are ready to stop hiding and start living.
When we refuse to experience what we’re afraid of, we stay stuck. You can’t go forward, and you don’t really want to stay where you are, do you?
Yes, its scary to step up and push yourself to do that thing and go through the experience. If it was easy, everyone would be doing what they love, taking risks to be authentic and fully embody themselves and we would have a world full of confident. fulfilled, courageous people.
It’s not easy, and until it is, it’s time for you to be the exception, to be the one stepping up to do whatever it is that scares you because only through doing it, do you get to the other side, to the place you want to be in.
You don’t have to push yourself to do everything all at once, a little bit at a time is an effective strategy to get you there. And once you’re there, you’ll look back and laugh at how scared you were before you dived in, Because once you get started, it might not get easier but you’ll realise the rewards of doing what you love to do and forgetting about your old stories.
Ask yourself the right questions, get your answers, see the beliefs that have been holding you back, and then change them.
You know what’s harder than doing this work? Not doing it and staying stuck where you are.