Some days you wake up feeling great, amazing. Not physically maybe, although you can have that too. Emotionally, mentally, feeling like everything is falling into place. You’re ready to step up, you are stepping up.
You show up, create fantastic energy, people love to be around you.
You realise on days like this that yes, you are your own miracle. You can rescue yourself. You believe in yourself with all you have,
You can flip the switch like that. Start believing in yourself. Believe in your own value, your worth.
Every being on the planet has value. even the worst of us. Because the actions are not the person. Just as your thoughts and actions are not you. You are the consciousness, the awareness that observes.
Practice stepping back to see the gap between the thoughts and you.
I know how hard we can make it to let go of pain, trauma, humiliation. The powerlessness we felt as a child transfers into a powerful subconscious need for control, and a vow never to be in that position, to feel that emotion again.
Unfortunately, our subconscious is not logical nor rational. The very thing you want to step up into, a challenge you’ve set yourself, a goal or an ambition to be the best version of yourself can be the very thing your subconscious is determined, for its own reasons, to keep you safe from.
Take a recent example from my own life. Several years after training as a hypnotherapist, my business was floundering. I had barely any clients and couldn’t pay my bills. I thought I was good at what I did, but I didn’t believe I was good enough to be successful.
I signed up for another training because it had to be something outside of me right? And I have to say, this new training was impressive, really good and a great method of working with people in emotional trauma. I was so excited to get back home and get started again.
I set up a new business website, a Facebook page, and I started doing live Facebook videos. I was so confident in this new process, combined with all my other learning, so happy to share this fabulous, feel good healing tool. And I started creating momentum, enquiries were coming in, clients were signing up. Brilliant and then disaster struck.
I had a massive health setback, a physical collapse that ended up with me spending Christmas in hospital and the decline in my health continued into January with several serious asthma attacks.
Totally cowed by this, I stopped putting myself out there, stopped practicing, stopped my work. It felt too dangerous, my health too precarious to take another knock.
And I stayed stuck in that place for almost two years. Something had to change.
And last summer, just as I had reached the end of my physical, mental and emotional endurance I decided to move house. In the Autumn, I redid my Sanomentology training with Martin Rothery, (it’s simply another form of hypnotherapy), and I started working on myself at a deeper level, including working with another hypnotherapist to help myself get past my blocks.
I journaled, I meditated, I did all kinds of different classes and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote.
And my work has become deeper as a result. I write about how you can change your life by changing how you think, I share tools I know work. (Scientifically proven as well as proof in my own life and with clients)
And it all comes back to the same thing: Self Love.
Even when my subconscious was thwarting me and causing me great physical distress, it was doing so from a place of love. It was protecting me from what it deemed to be too painful a situation for me to revisit, too dangerous for my survival.
All of the things I went through: dangerous health issues, self sabotaging habits such as eating too much, eating junk, drinking too much, watching too much television, not doing the work I wanted to do, not reading the books that would give me insight. Constantly living in an extreme state of stress and anxiety and not actually doing anything about it, just getting sicker. All of it was actually my subconscious doing its best to keep me safe. Mistakenly, sure, but it had my survival as its goal. Nothing more or less than that.
And I have been having a breakthrough, a long process of awakening as I realise that all the things I thought were the problem were actually just a symptom of it. Its not about the excess food or even putting on weight, its not even about not getting the rest I need so I can get to my work every day.
What it was all about was my subconscious not feeling that it was safe for me to be seen unapologetically as me. To be fully myself at all times. Taking up space in the world, space that’s meant for me, instead of trying to make myself smaller, invisible.
For me to not play a part. to no longer hide, to stop pretending to be less than I am.
My inner child, the traumatised little four year old inside of me , she’s been in charge of me for years, running my business, especially the marketing, deciding how bold I can be (not at all!) She’s been the one eating chocolate to soothe her fears, watching tv to distract herself from the work that needed done.
All of it is a distraction. A distraction to stop me stepping up into my light, to live into being the best version of myself, which I know is available inside of me.
Recently, all of this came to the surface, all of it was able to be healed and released. This is ongoing work, for me, you anyone who decides to clear the trauma they’re living with, gain freedom from past pain and live fresh and free today.
There will always be something that stresses me, always be something that has that four year old reacting instinctively. Its up to me to recognise what’s happening as quickly as I can and deal with my issues. Because having the resources of my adult self to solve a problem is infinitely better than running and hiding like a four year old.
And day by day, we get to live as the best version of ourselves. I never want to be any less than that again. Remember, you are your own miracle, Start believing it.
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