All or nothing – a thrilling or fearful way to live

One of the world’s greatest ever hypnotists, Milton Erickson, believed that everyone has their own unique internal map of the world, an inner belief system that is unconscious and it constitutes a kind of hypnotic trance. And its vitally important to uncover these unconscious beliefs because you rarely behave outside of that belief system.

Modern scientists and researchers have started calling that belief system your mindset. It is essentially your subconscious programming.

And it is the wounded inner child within you forms that core belief system.

How you behave and think and what you believe about the world and yourself is based on a child’s view of what happened to you as you were growing up.

Our core belief system is formed in response to the stresses of our childhood environment. Its made up of our earliest feelings, memories and the meaning we gave to events in our young lives.

We now live according to the beliefs formed by a child’s limited understanding of the world, of people.

So, we can see that core beliefs are primitive and certainly not logical. The brilliant John Bradshaw, who’s work I adore and learn so much from says in his book HomeComing, that forming these beliefs was ‘the only way a magical, vulnerable, needy and boundaryless child knew how to survive,’

We continue to live these patterns, every time we’re thrown into stress we regress. You might be or know someone who throws temper tantrums, or who huffs and doesn’t speak when upset, or who sinks into addictive behaviour.

You can recognise the child in these behaviours that express a child’s sense of powerlessness and frustration without any evidence of mitigating adult reasoning being used despite the age of the person involved.

But worse, we live these patterns every day in how we approach life, in how we see the world and our place in it.

This hypnotic trance, where we fall into our subconscious and act out those primitive beliefs may results in impulsive, seemingly crazy risk taking behaviour.

I’ve been guilty of this most of my adult life. Leaving jobs I loved, moving across the country, investing thousands in franchises and ideas without proper research.

Equally, I avoid putting myself on the line in many aspects of life, but nowhere more so than in my personal life. With relationships, I’m the opposite of my crazy, impulsive side and I’m exceedingly risk averse.

Some used to say I was scared of commitment. That would certainly be true, but more because I couldn’t take a chance of letting anyone get close to me because I expected to be mentally, emotionally and financially abused.

That was the relationship truth I witnessed as a child, so it became my expectation in the world as an adult. Men are controlling, wicked and cruel and so that played out in my life.

Somehow, I always found myself in relationships with men who might have been instructed in how to act by my father. And on the few occasions when I found myself with kind, loving, supportive men, I became the abusive one.

But always, underlying all of that, was the fact that it was never ‘forever.’ I was never wholly committed. I always had a ‘Get out’ clause, and I used it before I got in too deep every single time.

My risk taking life and work decisions come from the same place as my risk averse romantic decisions… My childhood trauma and the beliefs formed then that I live by now.

The good news is that you can change these beliefs, this mindset.

It involves reconnecting with the child frozen inside of you at the ages of trauma experience. You make that little one feel safe, you help them understand that although the world can seem a big, scary, unpredictable place when you’re so little, when an adult its easier to navigate and the rules make sense and can even be for your benefit.

The wounded child within first of all needs to feel safe and needs to be able to trust you to take care of all parts of you, little and adult.

Are you doing that?

Does that involve an all or nothing mindset?

No, of course not. I just realised earlier today that I had followed that same pattern recently, jumping impulsively into another expensive business decision but it looked different to the ones in the past on the surface. Once I looked deeper, the pattern emerged.

No wonder my wounded inner child had been kicking off recently. Boy was she triggered. After years of self discipline, I’d regressed big time. Unconscious patterning is usually acted out before we’re even aware of what we’re doing.

Sometimes we do need and want to be impulsive, we know when a decision is good for us and we don’t want to waste time analysing it from every angle. But if its a good decision, it will stand up to the scrutiny.

Equally, I’m a huge believer that once a decision is made we can make it the right one by committing to it and giving it our all. This belief tends to mitigate the impact of my impulsiveness but imagine how powerful it would be to do the research, make the decision, know it was the right one and then put all your energy behind it?

We can’t know what’s going to happen in the future. 2020 certainly showed us that.

But we can be aware of our past, our patterns, our mindset, the hypnotic trance we go through life in and make sure we are checking ourselves and making sure we don’t fall into old habits, behaviours and patterns that spell disaster for our well-being.

We can learn to live more consciously, or as is currently fashionable to say, live mindfully.

Ask… Is this mine? Is this my choice? What is best for me to do in this situation? What am I acting from, fear or love? What age am I right now? What is influencing this decision?

Every day is a learning day. If we’re simply learning about ourselves that’s good because every day improvement, by as little as 1% makes a big difference over time. It changes who we are, how we live and how satisfied with life we are.

Growth is life. Make sure you’re always growing and watch life get better and better.

All or nothing? No, incrementally, bit by bit and life changes almost without you noticing.

Because you also change.Make sure its for the better.

Love,

Cynthia xx

PS. Below you’ll learn more about how I can support you in your healing journey.

Think what would life be like if your thought processes were upgraded so you became unstoppable. What would life be like if you were able to step up and show up as that best ever version of you that you know you’re capable of?

Picture yourself thriving in life, developing an instinct for making the right choices, knowing in your gut you’re always choosing the correct thing for you.

Imagine any addictions, old anxiety and fear melting away, no longer influencing your thinking, your behaviour, your decisions. You are free to make better choices.

Think how it would feel achieving your goals with far less resistance, knowing you can melt resistance with the power and focus of your attention. You can do it, you have no fears about any of it anymore.

See yourself fully present and grounded, living with fulfillment and satisfaction with how life is unfolding for you, with zero regrets, able to handle anything that comes up as you fearlessly carve your own path forward.

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