I woke up this morning with a fairly intense, lingering ache in my left knee and whilst I’d been having trouble with this knee for a few months now, I’d not done anything about it.
I kept meaning to buy some kind of support strap for it but because it wasn’t painful all the time or painful enough when it did ache, I allowed it to be pushed to the back of mind.
And what happens? I wake up this morning with intense pain that’s probably been inflamed and exacerbated by months of neglect and avoidance.
So of course today, once I’d finished my journal and writing the blog post, I got busy checking out knee supports and buying one for immediate delivery if not sooner. It was my first task. And it’s done. Yay!
But in a quick meditation between my journal writing and starting on the blog post, I asked my superconscious if there was more to it than the purely physical issue, because the timing is interesting. The increase in pain arriving the day after my brother and his fiancee arrive to stay.
And of course, before they arrived I was running around cleaning the house from top to bottom, washing every surface, putting fresh flower in every room, making up their bed with fresh linen, buying their favourite foods, basically trying to anticipate their every need.
And once they arrived, I was offering tea, wanting to make dinner, cleaning up after them, trying to keep Amelia out of Saida’s way because she’s afraid of dogs and trying to take up as little space as possible.
And in my superconscious dialogue, I was reminded that I get to ask for my needs to be met too.
I’d fallen into my old people pleasing behaviour and forgotten that my job is to love myself first and only with strong boundaries am I able to share the love and care I have for those I hold dear without inflicting damage on myself. I’d fallen hard into those old habits, ‘look, I got you this, do you like it?’ ‘I got this for you both, isn’t it nice?’ ‘You sit here and I’ll make it for you.’ ‘I’ll tidy up, you just relax.’ All that old people pleasing self abasement that mostly women put themselves through.
Why did I do that? I know I’m good enough as I am. I know that. But there’s something about being around our family of origin, the people who knew us in childhood, and of course the people we’re most vulnerable to that has us feeling like we have to constantly prove our worth.
And I’m still doing it, even though its just been brought to my attention. My brother asked me for something just now and I was ready to drop my pen and jump up from my seat to go get it for him!
These childhood wounds are deep and the behaviour patterns we adapted to cope and survive have strong roots. And so these situations keep coming up as a reminder that there’s always another layer, there’s always more healing to do.
So today, I get to do more healing. I get to sit in the energy of people pleasing, of ignoring my own needs, negating my value and worth and examine it, observe where it came from, and feel the feelings associated with it and release. Free myself from it at this level.
I know my brother doesn’t even want or need me hovering around him, taking care of him like he was still a baby. I do hope he appreciates the nice things I do for him and Saida but it shouldn’t really matter whether he does or does not. I do them because I want them to feel comfortable here, but this is my home too.
More healing today. more meditation, more journaling, more belief uncovering, removing them and then installing new healthier more self aware, self loving ways of thinking about myself.
This work is never done. Its a daily practice to think right and its a continual process to heal yourself. I do it because I’m worth it. It took me a long time to feel like that and I celebrate the fact that I now so quickly engage with my patterned behaviour, recognise it and start to challenge my thinking, my beliefs and change them.
I aim to always be the best version of myself I can be every day, and to improve on that by 1% every day. Today’s a great day for me, because I have the work for today laid before me.
The person I aspire to being is confident of her place in the world, free from insecurity about my own worth, my value to the people I love.
It doesn’t matter what other people think. Today I’ve been reminded of that and reminded that it can be easy to say but its sometimes much much harder to live by those words.
Everyday I learn how to move more into being all of myself. Learning there is more to do is good and I commit to being more of myself today.
John Bradshaw said ‘everybody had a bad childhood to some degree.’
Of course, he’s right. The truly wonderful thing is we don’t have to live the rest of our lives with the fall out of whatever happened when we were young.
Spot the behaviour patterns that are causing you harm, whether its physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual. And change them.
Changing your thinking changes your life.
PS. Knee strap is ordered, I’ve let them make their own tea and I’m now settling down to meditate. Below you’ll learn more about how I can support you in your healing journey.
Think what would life be like if your thought processes were upgraded so you became unstoppable. What would life be like if you were able to step up and show up as that best ever version of you that you know you’re capable of?
Picture yourself thriving in life, developing an instinct for making the right choices, knowing in your gut you’re always choosing the correct thing for you.
Imagine any addictions, old anxiety and fear melting away, no longer influencing your thinking, your behaviour, your decisions. You are free to make better choices.
Think how it would feel achieving your goals with far less resistance, whether it’s earning an extraordinary income, being a rockstar in your business or career, or excelling in your personal relationships. You can do it, you have no fears about any of it anymore.
See yourself fully present and grounded, living with total fulfillment and satisfaction with how life is unfolding for you, with zero regrets, as you fearlessly carve your own path forward.
Want this now? Check out this page and get in touch to get started on living your ideal life today. Or simply take the product tour to find out more.