This post is most especially for women, because its more true for women than men in our culture that we have little to no experience in prioritising our own joy.
For most of us, everyone else comes first and if there’s anything left over, then we’ll make do with that and be thankful.
Its so very easy to say yes to responsibility, to our obligations. Yes to taking care of children, husband, patents, yes to work, yes to friends, yes to charitable causes, yes to people we meet on the streets before we say yes to ourselves.
Somewhere inside of you is a voice screaming ‘What about me?’
And you never know what she wants, because most of the time you don’t hear her, and when you do, you don’t listen to what she’s saying.
I read an amazing piece recently by a conservative married mother of six from a southern state in the USA about the controversy over women’s healthcare, abortion and birth control in America. Because its always presented as a woman’s problem, in fact its often presented that women are the problem, they can’t say No, can’t keep their legs shut, can’t resist the lure of sex.
And this woman posited that this area is actually completely a man’s problem, always has been and will be because it isn’t about women saying no, its about men being unable to compromise just a little bit on their pleasure.
Think about it, many men won’t wear condoms because it dulls the sensation a bit, they still feel pleasure just not as much. So they want to go bare forcing women to pick up the responsibility for birth control. And birth control for women means invasive, usually hormonal interventions that can cause long term health issues. Even pregnancy is a health concern, it’s not that long ago that women routinely died giving birth.
All this because a man won’t compromise just a little bit on his pleasure.
This article really opened my eyes to something I’d never thought about before, how our society puts men’s pleasure before women’s health and we’re so indoctrinated in this patriarchal paradigm we don’t even see it ourselves.
Forget about our own pleasure, I’m not even talking about whether or not we get to experience that, I’m talking about our health.
I remember at 19, with my first boyfriend planning to have sex for the first time and it was just assumed by both of us that I would go on the pill. Nevermind all the side effects, that’s what people do, what women do because men don’t like to wear condoms because it reduces their pleasure. It doesn’t take all the pleasure away. No, it diminishes it a little bit and that’s so much more important than any other consideration!
As I read that article, the scales fell away from my eyes, at 19 I’d never even questioned whether or not is was right for me to go on the pill. I did it because we wanted to have sex and he didn’t like wearing a condom.
I hated being on the pill, and it wasn’t the last time I went on it to keep a man happy. And every time, it made me feel awful, bloated, I gained weight, I had headaches and just didn’t feel right.
I’ve always had an aversion to taking medication, I think because as a child my Mum would force ‘sealegs’ travel sickness pills down my throat to try and stop me being car sick. But I persevered with the pill for a couple of reasons, the first was I loved having sex with my boyfriend, we were nineteen and in the heat of sexual exploration and youthful horniness and secondly I didn’t think I had any alternative.
And it was always, well if you don’t want to take the pill what will you do? Always up to me, not him.
And I never questioned this. Not ever.
I never even thought there was a question to ask.
Because we live, breathe, swim in the patriarchy.
Its woven into our everyday existence, part of our cultural landscape. Here I am over thirty years later, only just being awakened to this fucking expectation in our lives that men’s pleasure is prioritised over everything else, even womens’ health.
Isn’t that fucking incredible?
And even more incredible is that many women don’t even see this either!
Because we’ve been raised in this way of thinking, of being, of doing. Put men first and we don’t see it at all.
How on earth do we prioritise our own joy when we don’t even give our own health a passing though in the face of another’s wants?
Imagine there’s no right or wrong, no guilt or shame involved and ask your self in those circumstances where there’s only you and your joy, your pleasure – what do you do?
How do you capture rapture, experience ecstasy in everyday life?
For me, you have to know what brings you pleasure and then you plan every day to make sure you have some of that in store. I make sure that everyday has activities that fill me up with the positive, natural joy and energy I need to fuel my work.
Its also about going within, meditation, journaling, quantum journeying;connecting to Source and my Higher Self. So I get recharged every day at all levels of my being.
I sit in silence every day to hear, to understand the message and act on it.
Its also about finding time to clean and clear negativity in my thoughts and feelings, doing a mindsweep of accumulate clutter, beliefs and judgements that don’t serve me, because every day brings new baggage we can pick up from the world around us.
This is your life – the only one we can know for certain you’re going to get – shouldn’t every day have joy and pleasure in it?
No-body else can bring that to you unless you let it in.
Give yourself permission to feel what you need and want to feel, give yourself what you want.
What do you want?
Forget about everyone else, stop eating chocolate ice cream if you really want vanilla.
Don’t have sex if you don’t want to. But explore what do you want.
Have sex with a condom if you do want to. And make sure its with someone who puts your pleasure (and your health) first.
Prioritise your joy.
For a few moments put yourself first.
Your responsibilities and obligation can wait, life can’t.
Do it today. Do it everyday. Just do it.
PS. If you’ve been stuck, feeling like you’ve been living the same day over and over and its no fun anymore, if you’ve fought weight issues, depression, anxiety, addiction, or simply a feeling of general dissatisfaction with how your life is unfolding for you, and you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. It’s natural to feel that a solution is almost impossible.
That’s part of what keeps the problem in place.
But real lasting change is possible.
Think how it would feel achieving your goals with far less resistance, whether it’s dropping excess weight, gaining freedom from depression and anxiety, being a rockstar in your business or career, or excelling in your personal relationships. You can do it, you have no fears about staying stuck and not moving forward anymore.
See yourself fully present and grounded, living with total fulfillment and satisfaction with how life is unfolding for you, with no regrets, as you carve your own path forward, moving forward always forward, no looking back .
Want this now? Check out this page and get in touch to get started on living your ideal life today.