It is considered one of the most romantic things said, ‘You complete me.’
Ahhh! I loved watching that movie and when Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) tells Renee Zellweger’s Dorothy that she ‘completes’ him, I melted. Don’t we all want that, to feel like we’re the missing part of someone else?
No, Nope, No Way. Never. To be someone else’s missing part suggest I’m also missing a part of me. And I’m not having that.
This romantic myth of soul mates and missing parts is the same old sh!t of looking outside of ourselves for something or someone to make us feel whole and happy.
We are whole. We are complete and its an inside job to feel good about ourselves and our lives.
If we’re depending on someone else to give us feelings of happiness, wholeness, even safety and security we’re going to make that person we project all of this onto very, very unhappy.
It’s no-one else’s job to make you feel good. That task is yours to do.
And we’re sold this lie that we need something, someone else before we are enough.
You must be part of a couple, part of a family, part of a group, part of a tribe. You must have all the things your chosen people have and more, always more.
Outside things don’t solve internal issues.
If you feel empty inside, if you feel lonely and disconnected, the answer is not another person or another top or coat or pair of jeans or another drink or another donut!
These old wounds may be temporarily soothed by such things but they can never heal you.
And soon your temporary soothers become a problem in and of themselves.
The other person you rely on to make you happy starts to resent having to perform that task, fulfil your needs. What about them? The co-dependence starts to wear thin and you start making each other miserable instead.
Drink, drugs, food, tv, social media, technology, sex: all are fine in moderation and when used for the right reasons. But when used as an escape from your feelings, you rapidly need more and more and more and its never enough.
And using starts making you miserable and sick and yet you can’t stop because you don’t want to feel. Not the effects of stopping using and not the thing you were using to push away.
The answer you are looking for, the love, the wholeness, the connection – its all inside of you.
You are your soul mate. You are your solution to all your problems.
Access the knowledge you have within, free the love and compassion you’ve walled up and allow it to flood through you.
Give yourself what you need. Give yourself what you want.
You are in the right place, you are the right person, you have everything you need.
All you need to do is start trusting yourself. Not the critical voice that shouts so loud, but that quiet still voice that indicates with a feeling, a subtle nudge to show when you’re veering off track.
Follow that’s voice guidance and you will never feel incomplete again. There are no missing pieces for someone else to fill for you. You are it. You are all you need.
And when you fill yourself up with love, imagine how great your life will be, because you don’t put unnecessary demands on other people. There’s no pressure for them to make you happy, to ‘complete’ you.
Two people in tune with their feelings and not expecting the other person to make them anything.
Not a great base for a Hollywood story but the best base for real life love stories.
Be your own best friend. Be your own soul mate. Be your own lover.
Life is as good as you make it.
Why not choose yourself and make your life great?