What to do when everything feels like its falling apart…

Ever had one of those days?

You get up and feel okayish, totally normal, not great but not feeling too bad, poor sod, you’ve no idea that things are about to go clusterf*ck awful.

But everyone you come into contact with seems to be determined to push your buttons without giving you any right to reply.

I’ve had a day. It probably started off poorly because I knew I was taking Amelia to the vets for wholly unnecessary vaccines due to effing Brexit! A rabies shot to go from Manchester to Derry! And I hate having my little girl hurt.

My ruinously expensive sprouted seed bread had gone off and I couldn’t have any toast.

Then at the vets there were forms to fill and I couldn’t even go inside, I stood outside while they took my darling little dog away to inject her. She whimpered , so the vet told me. More guilt, more feeling bad.

Went to the shop to get those big plastic container boxes to start packing and they’d priced them wrongly and I ended up paying more than expected.

Home and my brother asked my a question about moving out and before I could answer, joined an online meeting leaving me stewing about the issues he’d raised.

Had to fill in forms for estate agents in NI and the amount of detail is laborious and it also made me feel intimidated and unsure. Am i doing the right thing?

I have no idea – to move home or stay in England. To stay in Abram or more somewhere else entirely?

I don’t know the answers. And we’re in the middle of a pandemic and I just want to feel safe and that I belong somewhere.

Aargh.

So I started tapping. Tapping on all the confusion, all the guilt, all the emotional pain, all the anger. A swirling maelstrom of emotion that had me upside down and inside out. Totally unable to think.

And I sat in all those emotions, naming them as I tapped on my meridian points, tapping on everything that rose to the surface. The fear, the loss, the sense of uncertainty, wanting to be certain I’m doing the right thing but unsure how its all going to work out.

And I kept tapping, naming the emotions, sitting with it all. Not ignoring, not avoiding, not numbing. I’d already tried that and once I opened the fridge door I realised what I was doing. Yay me for awareness. Didn’t stop me having a big bowl of granola but did stop me coming back for something/anything else lol!

And I could feel the surge of emotion start to ebb, I was able to finally ask what I did want and my current mantra of safe, warm, nurtured, protected, loved and taken care of covered it all. I wanted to feel and be all of those things.

Feeling that warm surge of comfort helped me stablise.

And I was finally able to write in my journal.

And now I’m writing to you.

But only after I’d dealt with that sh!tstorm of emotion because I know if I’d tried to write to you without having dealt with how I was feeling it would have been a mess. I’d already been thinking what could I cut and paste together to make something out of bits and pieces that would do for today.

That would have been sh!tty wouldn’t it? And inauthentic and just downright lying.

I always deliver the message that comes through, knowing that is what’s needed in that moment for that particular day.

And we all need to know we can sit with heavy, horrible feelings and process them and know that absolutely they do go, they will leave. Once you have felt them, acknowledged them, they have no need to hang around.

And it really is as simple as tapping on your meridan points as you call out how you’re feeling, name the specific feeling/emotion, the circumstances around it and whatever else comes up as you tap and speak your truth.

And its important to speak your truth. Don’t dress it up, don’t be a good, nice little boy or girl and try not to be mean or not blame. This is your healing ritual: if you can’t say it to and for yourself, you have big problems, my friend.

Say just how f*cking pissed off you are at whomever or whatever for whatever they did/said/made you feel.

And you just sit, feeling, naming it, tapping on it, releasing as you go.

And you feel that weight of emotion start to shift. The constriction on your chest eases, you might take a deep sigh or need to stretch but it moves, you move and suddenly you feel better.

And then you can tap in to your intuition, to your inner knowing and ask what next? What’s the one thing I need to do now that feels right, good and moves me in the right direction, whatever it is.

For me it was to finish my journal writing, get the application forms for the estate agents done and write this post for you.

I still feel a bit grungy. My energy still feels a bit off and meditation and more tapping are in order. But the absolute right next thing for me to do is get out of the house. Take a walk, be in nature and then go to the post office and get those letters on their way.

There is nothing worse than trying to force yourself forward when you’re stuck in heavy negative energy. You need to deal with that, get it out of your way and then you move on.

Always focus on your chosen end result. But sometimes, like today for me, it feels almost impossible to do because of all the things that seem to be in your way, all those insurmountable obstacles.

Remember, those obstacles are all illusion too. Just thoughts masquerading as the iron bars of your self imposed prison cell.

There is always a solution and it comes when your mind is clear and open. And you get it clear and open by naming your feelings and processing them through and out of your body.

The wisdom and guidance you need is within and there for you to draw on in that moment of need. All you have to do – all, she says – is be quiet enough inside to hear what it has to say to you.

It gets easier, the more you practice it. I realised that this morning, even as I was opening the fridge to peer in and see what I could eat, I knew what was going on and the best way to deal with it.

And you get faster at processing too which is great, because that means you reach your solution and a feeling of relief faster.

Feeling stuck, bombarded with conflicting thoughts and ideas, confused by which may or may not be the right decision to make is horrible and we inevitably make poor choices when in that state.

Start by pulling on one thread, just as if you were unravelling a massive knot of twine. What’s that first feeling you have? Name it, sit with it, feel it loosen its hold on you and as it does name the next emotion and do the same thing.

Sit with it, feel it loosen and name the next. And you may go backwards and forwards from one to another for a while but sooner than you think, it all gets smoothed out and you find the ball of tension in your body has unravelled along with it.

We’re all dealing with a lot right now, there’s so much news, none of it in any way inspiring. Stay in touch with yourself, first and foremost. Keep yourself right. Everything else can take care of itself.

Love,

Cynthia xx

PS. If you need more help get in touch. That’s what I’m here for! And if you really want to learn the techniques I describe above and learn how to help yourself faster. Then treat yourself to a few sessions, it will be one of the best things you can do for yourself. I promise/

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