I had been going to write about self care and practicing self love but read something that completely changed the direction of this post.
And yet is also the one thing you can do to make life better. Because they are the same thing maybe?
I’m talking about witnessing your pain, sharing your story with honesty, vulnerability and courage.
Because usually we hide our pain not because of the hurt but because of shame and a feeling of unworthiness.
When I reflect on it, self love really is about facing into our pain, recognising it, sharing it with others and chipping away at the mask, the persona we adopted to hide behind.
Because only by being truly ourselves can we experience true love and happiness.
You cannot share yourself, ask others to love you if you haven’t discovered who you are and love yourself, pain, shame and all.
Embracing your pain and shame is the fastest way to uncover the truth of who you are.
Be open, walk towards your pain.
Let go of your control and the masks you use to cover up your shame and allow yourself to be free of it.
Only by facing into it, seeing it and embracing it can you heal.
I know, nobody wants to do this. I don’t want to do this, how dare I tell you that its the only way to free yourself from that old pain and shame!
But the not feeling, the avoidance and resistance get to be worse and worse than the pain they originally helped us not feel, avoid and resist.
There is purpose in all pain if we adjust our perception accordingly to see it, learn from it, grow within it and to be incredibly grateful for all of it.
Yeah, you still don’t want to do it.
Well, how about if I tell you that not feeling it, not facing into it is killing you?
You know its true. You’re already aware of feeling dissatisfied with the life you’re living, you’re unhappy, angry, irritable, anxious and depressed.
All of that comes from you avoiding your feelings.
And you get further and further from the truth of who you are as you sink into the swamp of pretending and not expressing your needs, desires, fears and hopes.
You have the right to have your needs met, that is the birthright of you being here. But you don’t know what those needs are when you spend so much energy pretending you don’t have any needs at all.
How do you walk into your pain?
Its different for everyone but start with sitting still in silence for five minutes every day.
Ask yourself, ‘What am I avoiding? How can I start to allow that to come into my life experience?’
For me, that’s about being seen as silly, goofy, random sometimes as well as being a leader, bossy and authoritive.
Its also about crying when I watch nature shows, or when I’m shopping and donate to the foodbank.
Its about calling people out when they’re being a bully even though I’m shaking inside like a four year old.
Mostly its about sitting still and allowing the unexpressed pain of my childhood to come up and be processed, to move through me and out.
Not holding on to the memories and saying ‘see, look what happened, I am justified in feeling hurt, pain, anger.’
I did that for years and years and that helps no-one, especially myself.
Its about feeling the fears, pain, the hurt of that little girl and saying to myself, ‘okay, this happened and maybe it shouldn’t have happened but it did.’
Now, I have to hold onto that child I was, comfort her and allow her to express the anger, the hurt, the fear, the rejection and as an adult give myself the space to feel that stuff from the past whilst also feeling safe and soothed in the here and now.
This is how you move through and move on.
Not by ignoring. Not by pretending it didn’t affect you, you’re over it, whatever!
By feeling it, the trauma lodged in your body, mind and soul.
Recognize it, see it, feel it and realise the shame is not yours. The anger, hurt and pain are yours and its up to you to deal with and heal from that.
The shame you give back to whomever it belongs. Not yours. Theirs.
Or you can release it to the Universe and allow it to dissolve in the love of all things. Because that shame is someone else’s pain to bear, and you can release them from that burden rather than giving it back.
Self love, self compassion is not a namby pamby thing. Its not silly or weak or indulgent.
Self love, self compassion is strength and power and courage of the highest calling. Its not easy but its so worth the effort. When you truly love yourself, the world changes for you too.
When you truly love yourself, the world becomes kinder and more loving.
Change your perspective on yourself. Change your perspective on your pain. See it as the gift it can be if you accept it as such.
Should things have happened as they did? No. Should you have been hurt? No. Of course not.
But holding onto that pain hurts you more than anything else now.
Feel it, release it. Free yourself.
Because until you do, you’re still wearing a mask, still pretending to be something that’s not you.
And there’s nothing more right than you being you.
Trust me, I know.
PS: Coming soon. Pre-Christmas for sure! Best Self, Best Life – a 12 week group program that takes you from where you are that you don’t want to be, to fully expressing the you that you were born to be.
This course is amazing and full of so much mindset training, hypnosis audios, cognitive work basically recoding you from the ground up! In a group so you get to share and grow alongside others and help and support just as you are helped and supported.
Email or message to get the details!