When you know what you need, don’t resist, just give it to yourself.

Yesterday’s blog, When you feel like cr*p in your body sometimes you have to get quiet and ask ‘what do I need to do for you?’  showed me a few things I needed to do to fill up my balance sheet with positivity because I had been drawing it down without replenishment for far too long.

And I decided to do more of the things that lift me up on a daily basis. Pretty much immediately.

Once I had finished typing up the post, I decided not to squander the wisdom of the insight gained and I sat down and made a complete list of the things I needed and wanted in my life on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. I made it into a kinda to do list/schedule for all the things that fill me up so I always had something that adjusted my internal balance upwards throughout the day.

Then I rolled out my yoga mat, searched YouTube for a Yin Yoga class and found exactly what I was looking for. I did an hours class, and thank god I was alone in my living room. If anyone had been watching – God forbid!- they would not have seen a bendy flexible yogi body easily moving in and out of each pose.

No, my body was more like think heavy cardboard, the kind of heavy duty stuff used to package flatpack furniture. In fact, it might have more resembled the flatpack furniture considering my limited range of movement.

And yet, I was ecstatic. I was finally, finally doing something my body had been crying out for, for months. I was doing Yoga!

I felt brilliant afterwards, not just because I was moving my body and pushing it as far as it could go, which may not have been very far, but was better than sitting on the sofa thinking about how I should be doing it and still not doing it! No, not just that, I felt great because I had finally listened to what my body was asking for and given it what it needed.

I had finally silenced that bloody internal voice that was always bitching about how I should be doing yoga by doing the damn thing. We all have that voice inside don’t we? The whining, the complaining, the judging of ourselves and others. always finding something wrong with what we do.

Sure, it was there while I practiced but I ignored it. No, I couldn’t fold my body in two to lie my torso on top of my legs like the instructor, and yes, maybe I would have been able to bend more if I had started again months ago. But you know what, I bent as far as I could go and held the poses as long as I could and I was pleased with my work.

What else was on my list? One of the other things I know is good for me, makes me feel incredible and yet I’ve not been doing it hardly at all. Yep. Meditation. And I thought about my day and how it really is important to start the day with positive deposits into my daily balance sheet.

Top of the list of things to do for myself is meditation. And yet I’ve not been finding the time recently at all. How and where could I try to carve out 20 minutes morning and evening? I needed to find a way to make it easier to meditate. Actually what I really needed was a way to make meditation non-negotiable.

I decided to wake myself 15 minutes earlier and that way I could do a  short meditation before I started my day. And it worked.

Last night, before I lay down to sleep, I asked to wake up 15 minutes earlier than my usual 7am. No alarm clock needed, I wake up just before 7 o’clock every morning.

And today, it was just after 6.50am when I emerged from sleep. Once awake, I rolled to my back and drifted back into a semi-conscious state and as I drifted I simply repeated ‘Thank You’ as a mantra, over and over again. Thank You.

Of course, I drifted into thoughts. A new dialogue scene for the novel I’m writing downloaded itself – Thank You. the follow up in a different scene with different characters – Thank You. Where will I go with Amelia on our walk today? Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

We all have thoughts. The goal isn’t to stop thinking. That’s impossible for most of us.

For me, the goal is to become aware of my thoughts and aware that I am not my thoughts. I am the awareness in which those thought appear. Whether good or bad, they are not who I am and I want to reach a state of awareness where they do not impact me they way they currently do.

I am the observer consciousness, I want to reach an awareness of who I truly am and whether positive or negative, the impact of my thoughts is minimised.

Yes, I feel great that I did yoga yesterday. Thank You. And I followed that up with a long hike with Amelia and both those things make me feel really proud of myself. Thank you.

I’m aware I’m on an upward roll of thinking and behaving right now. And whilst that makes me feel good, it also makes me realise just how vulnerable my state of being is to my thoughts. And if I practice consciously observing my thought then neither this current bout of positivity nor the very recent spiral of depression and anxiety I’d been struggling with would effect me as much as they do. Thank You.

All thoughts are equal, until we assign more weight and intensity to them. Some make us feel bad, some make us feel amazing. But they’re just thoughts!

Our job is to realise that they are all the same, all transitory and fleeting, unless we grab hold of them. And they are not the true representation of who we are.

We are and our thoughts are. And we must find a way to live into the best version of ourselves regardless of the distractions we have in our minds. Hence my list and schedule. Its to keep me on track with daily deposits that lift me up.

And its so much nicer to be me and so much easier to live into that best version of me when I’m filling myself up.

That’s why I made my daily, weekly and monthly schedule. It includes many of the things that boost my body, mind and spirit and I’ve incorporated as many as possible into my daily task list.

Its easier to do the mundane and dreary things that crop up, we all have sh!t like that we just need to get done and its easier when I have something I love to do to look forward to. In this way, I’m able to get those things done and move on. Fast, easy and without delay.

My daily schedule might look intense to someone else, it lists all I want to do, need to do and must get done in a day.

However, I’ve written it with great self awareness. I know what works for me, good days and bad. I know my habit of procrastination and delay and distraction. And I know if I follow this plan I’ll have more good days than bad days, less distraction, delay and procrastination, more getting on with what needs to be done.

When I keep following this daily plan it will become my routine and eventually my habit. And with all the things that lift me up scheduled in, I’m living into that ideal version of myself, I’m upleveling with every day I live it.

And with time, I’ll become fitter, stronger, more flexible in my body. I’ll become more knowledgeable in my work because training time, professional reading and research are scheduled in.

I’ll be healthier because reminders to drink lemon water and prepare good meals and eat healthfully are on my schedule too.

Yoga, stretching, bouncing and skipping are on there.

As is client time, networking, group work and marketing for my business.

The day I have on my schedule is how I want my day to be. I have created it with my needs and wants in mind.

Yes, of course there are withdrawals of energy and vitality and joy – that’s life. However I’ve packed in so many deposit activities that my balance sheet will always be in credit.

And what about those days when I just can’t do it? Just can’t face it? Whatever the reason?

Firstly, they will show up less and less because  of the rhythm and routine I’m building into my life. And when they do, it will be okay to take a day off and say okay, today’s for moping or slumping around or being lazy. And that’s it, one day, tomorrow back to living with my ideal self.

I’ve built in joy, laughs, love, serving others, health, success and connection. And of course gratitude.

There are weekly tasks too, and monthly ones to include those more infrequent withdrawals and deposits. Things like office work, offset with massage and reflexology. Balancing my accounts and paying bills sits alongside a salon visit or a weekend visiting friends.

And its flexible of course. The first thing to do is figure out what you want from life, what do you want more of in your life and in your every day existence and make sure you build it in.

Write it all out, all the things you love to do and never get around to doing, as well as all the things you want and need to do to fulfill your obligations to yourself, your family and your work.

Create a schedule that fits it all in, not just the adulty work stuff, all the fun stuff you never get around to anymore too.

Don’t set it in stone, live with it, see how it works from day to day, adjust as necessary and whatever you do, you keep going, every day.

If you said you wanted to paint or sing every day, do it. If you find you can only fit singing in every other day, ask yourself if the thing taking up singing’s space is worth the credit loss on your balance sheet, is it worth losing the joy singing brings? If so, adjust your schedule. If not, find a way to change the other thing, break it down into parts that you can work with and get done without affecting your non-negotiable bottom line.

.And when you’ve created a daily schedule that fits your life, that has all your non-negotiables factored in. Live it. Every damn day. Why would you not? Its giving you all the things you love, so just commit to it already.

And every day, you’ll make progress, you’ll uplevel, you’ll feel your heart soar as your balance sheet comes out of deficit and climbs into credit.

Maybe you’ll eventually want to set goals, watch your fitness improve, drop excess weight, improve your job skills, grow your mind, embrace your spirituality. Cool, that’s great. But you’ll find all those things will happen because you’ve engineered your life to give you what you want every day.

Celebrate your achievements along the way because you made it happen. And realise just what an epic journey of self awareness and discovery you’re on and what fun it is.


Cynthia xx

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