It seems like it, doesn’t it?
All the stories about how truly awful the media, interviewers, exes were to Britney Spears, we’re all on board shouting about how badly she was treated. And I totally agree she was manipulated, bullied and sexualised and then demonised for being sexual right from the start of her career as a child.
Weren’t we all complicit in it? Those of us who were around then and watched her videos and were scandalised by her amazing body and how she used it, we purchased the gossip mags and watched TMZ with both mounting horror and malicious glee.
It does seem like there is a kinder force in the collective mindset of humanity these days.
But then I remembered it was only a year ago that Caroline Flack was hounded to her death by a similar malicious press and public appetite to consume her, shame, her, vilify her.
So maybe not so kind, or just the target is different now, on the back of the MeToo movement, Epstein’s death, Maxwell’s capture and of course the orange man being removed from office. Now, we seem to be targeting the media who hounded people like Britney and Lindsay Lohan and the other young woman who were used to keep the presses running with salicious stories.
Its great that women are no longer the only target of public censure, but we’re still looking to hold somebody to blame. That’s the story now isn’t it? Not that these young women found the harsh media spotlight difficult when growing up under its glare but that they were judged so fiercely for being human in an inhumane situation.
And who did most of the judging?
And it is horrible isn’t it, to be so harshly critical of another human being that we sew the seeds of their self destruction. Luckily, Britney has proven resilient and has managed to carve a life for herself from the debris of her catastrophe. Others, as we know, were not given the opportunity to grow through their experiences.
This need to pull others down is an inherently human trait. We don’t see other animals building up stars in their species only to pull them apart. What causes us to do such a thing?
Judging, comparing, belittling and bullying – all are learned behaviours. And come from insecure people being parents and not being able to give their children what they need to turn into emotionally healthy adults.
We get judged as children, compared to others, ‘why can’t you be more like…; We get belittled, ‘Are you still not able to tie your shoe laces, what’s wrong with you?’ and bullied. And as children we are biologically programmed to believe that everything is about us, we don’t have the ability to think rationally at this point in our development. That doesn’t kick in until after the damage has been done.
A child believes everything is about them which means when a parent says ‘why can’t you be more like so and so.’ the child thinks there’s something wrong with them. When a child witnesses their parents arguing, they think they caused the argument and its all about them.
We grow up in an environment that is unhealthy and in no way conducive to turning out well-rounded human beings. No wonder, as a society, we turn on each other. Its all we’ve learned. Chew them up before they get a change to chew on us.
But the most critical people are usually the most damaged and self critical. Whatever they’re saying about someone else, they are saying the same and worse about themselves.
The critical monster inside is always hungry, always frothing at the mouth.
How do we change?
I hope anyone who’s worked with me in any way is smiling at this point because they know the answer.
Compassion is how we quiet the critical monster and stop comparing and criticising outside as well as inside.
Start by really seeing that voice inside of you that is harming you as surely as if it was beating on your head with a big stick. Give it form, a monster form, something dark, ugly and yet silly. Make it tiny or in a luminous shade of yellow. Picture your monster with ridiculous clothes on or crazy hair. It’s scary until you see it and then it becomes ridiculous. That make sense?
And every time it speaks to you, act as though your talking to a four year old liar. ‘Really, is that right, aha, of course, yes, you’re so right, indeed I am all those things and more.’ Seem to be agreeing with it without agreeing with it. ‘Absolutely, you know it!’
And then ask the questions that make it stop, ‘If you know I’m going to fail, why are you trying so hard to stop me?’ ‘How can you be so certain what’s going to happen when nobody knows?’ ‘You basing this on that time when I was a child?
Make your critical monster a thing that’s outside of you, not part of your internal landscape, an outsider, a blow-in, something alien and not of you.
And when it starts to deflate because you’ve got it on the ropes. Be kind, be compassionate. This was once a part of you that you felt you needed to keep you safe, but you no longer need it and neglected it turned into a monster.
Let that monster go back to wherever it came from. Its not yours.
And when you let go of your internal critical monster, you’ll find that kindness spreads out from you into your wider community and uplifts everyone.
Be an example of kindness. Maybe if more of us had said no to viewing pictures of Britney’s breakdown she wouldn’t have gone down so far, so fast. Who knows? I think the damage was done much earlier but we can’t change the past, we can remake who we are now though. That is entirely in our power.
Be kind. To yourself first and then spread your joy out like butter on hot toast.
PS. I’m creating a monthly group program where people come together twice a week to grow, share, learn, laugh, cry, support and be supported. There will be a teaching session one day and a Q&A another, plus email. text and group support.
I’m looking to launch within the next few weeks, although this will be a closed door group, anyone can join initially. The group’s aim is to create a culture of healthy, happy people who understand their mental, emotional and physical needs and honour and respect themselves, setting boundaries for themselves and others, developing strategies that every day set the stage for living a well-lived life. I truly think I can serve more people better in this way.
I have not even written the sales page foe this or created a link, but if you’re interested, let me know down below by commenting on this post. And I’ll get in touch. Group work is going to be so cool, everyone helps everyone heal, the whole vibe of the group raises us all up.
I’ve been in a lot of groups to learn, experience for myself and take what I need to create my own. I am so excited about this project, stay tuned for more. And remember if you want to be in it and get an exclusive offer that’s only for my people, my current connections, comment below.