I come from Northern Ireland, we talk so fast the words all run together, and usually when we meet someone the first question we ask is ‘Howyadoing?
And the answer?
Not too bad.
Could be worse.
How does that feel? Horrible, right?
Fine is what we say when we don’t want to say anything more, don’t want to let go of the grip we have on ourselves.
Why not say, ‘I’m feeling like everything is going my way today, I got up and my hair was good, the clothes fit (it’s been almost a year of Lockdown and Covid anxiety so that’s not always a given!) and things are just falling into place.’
Or, ‘I feel like I’m falling down a deep dark hole and have no idea how I’m ever going to claw my way back out.’
Doesn’t say much does it?
How much it keeps hidden from view.
Doesn’t give anyone much to comment on, to empathise with or celebrate for you.
And if you say ‘fine’ often enough to describe your life, then that’s what it becomes – just fine. Nothing more or less.
And that’s not good enough. Especially not now, in the midst of this global catastrophe. We need to feel!
Good, bad, you won’t get more than you can handle.
Can you find the courage to feel what your feeling and name it and sit with it and move through it?
And greet every circumstance and feeling with an accepting mind?
Daily self care and living a well lived life isn’t about chasing happiness, it’s about building character and core strength, knowing you are the person who will always do the right thing, no matter how you’re feeling.
And you’re worth it. You’re worth showing up as this amazing person of integrity, decency and inner strength.
You’re worth spending the time to describe how you’re actually feeling and expecting the other person to listen and appreciate what you’re telling them.
I sometimes think that’s why people say ‘fine.’
When I’ve followed up with further question and people admit they’re struggling, they say ‘I didn’t want to bother you with it.’ Or, ‘everybody’s got their problems, you don’t want to hear mine.’
I do. And if someone asks how you are, they do too.
And we all have off days, we all have days when we’re feeling low and swamped and just not together.
Have some compassion for yourself and equally, get on with your life and change the frequency you’re tuned into.
Don’t stay in that vibe, change it up. You can do that too.
I was talking to a colleague today and he loves to tell stories and he was talking about a great healer and teacher who was asked, ‘don’t you ever get sick?’ Because, of course, great healers and teachers should be an example of their work right?
And the great man turned to the interviewer and said, ‘I get sick hundreds of times through the day, but then I catch myself and check in with what’s going on within myself and change it And then I don’t stay sick.’
And for me that’s the answer to depression, anxiety, rage, fear, pain, heartbreak. It’s going to come, hundreds of times a day sometimes. Acknowledge it, feel it, check in with yourself and then change it.
How do you do that?
Easy. By changing your physical, mental and emotional state.
Stand up, stretch, go for a walk, or a run or do some yoga. Run up and down the stairs.
Smile, even when you don’t feel like smiling, smile, it changes your brain chemistry and positive healing hormones get released. Put on a funny film or a comedian and laugh.
Go be in nature, hug a tree, an animal, your hugs person if you have one.
We often go through the day as if we’re in a trance. Which we are, an unconscious trance of programmed thinking, actions, habits and behaviours.
Get out of the trance. De-hypnotise yourself.
Jump up and down on the spot.
Have a hot drink or eat something -MINDFULLY. ie. with all your senses fully awake and open.
Change your state.
Your brain won’t want you to do this. It will want you to stay in place, stay the same. Push through the discomfort and do whatever it takes and it will only take a few seconds before you’ve activated a new more resourceful state of being.
Tell your brain, ‘I’m doing this and its going to be great.’
And tell it that for every change you want to make; to diet, to health, to success, to business, to love and relationship, to changing how you show up in your life.
‘I’m doing this and it’s going to be great.’
Every day, tell yourself that and make it true.
You can do this everyday. Feel what comes up and then choose to get on with what you need to do anyway.
Can you be grateful for what you have and love yourself and others?
Then maybe stop doing the things that are not loving to yourself.
Can you stop doing the things that harm you, physically, mentally, emotionally?
Everything you need is inside of you.
You don’t need something external, outside of yourself to make you feel better on the inside. That doesn’t work.
You need to be on your own side, doing the things you need to feel good in body, mind and spirit.
Shift out of your old patterns of breathing, thinking, being, behaving and feeling.
Change how you think and you’ll change your life.
Not ‘Fine.’ But ‘Awesome. Fantastic. Truly effing amazing, thanks.’
Not suppressing your feelings, but acknowledging, expressing, releasing and understanding that how you feel has nothing to do with who you are or what you get to do.
Open your heart to yourself and watch life improve.
Be the person your want to be, build that character, create that identity and know it’s for you, it is you because you’ve chosen to be it.
Happiness will come and go, make fulfilment, contentment, satisfaction with who you are and the life you’re living, your goals.
It’s better than fine when you start showing up for yourself.
PS. I’m reworking everything I do to create a monthly group program where people come together once a week to grow, share, learn, laugh, cry, support and be supported. I have no idea what its going to look like yet but I do know that my 1:1 work will reduce and become much more expensive.
So if you want to get in before the prices lep up, do so now. Because come the end of March, I’ll be launching my as yet unnamed group program and putting 1:1 work on the back burner. I truly think I can serve more people better in this way.
I love my 1:1 work and am gladly accepting client registration right now -but only if you’re the right fit. If you’re ready to invest in yourself and move forward faster, gaining greater insight and self knowledge that you ever had before,get in touch. To see if that’s you, listen to the audio on this page and take the next step. Can’t wait to hear from you.