Here’s the thing. You keep hearing how you can think differently to change your life but things are just too far gone, too wrong, its too big to change with something so simple and silly as thinking different thoughts. Right?
Maybe you’re stuck in a job you’ve never liked but now you feel you have to hold on tight to it no matter what because you’re lucky you’ve got work at all. And its fucking making you miserable, but so what? Shut up about it, there’s loads worse off.
Or you haven’t got a job and are struggling to make ends meet, to keep a roof over your head and some food in the cupboard with limited social security support and no safety net. How do you think yourself out of that, right?
I been in both those situations and I know the pain, the despair, the fucking grind of it as the daily agony of existing, barely surviving eats into your heart and soul.
Or maybe for you, you’re in a relationship – finally! but you have to get up before your new partner is even awake to wash and groom because you’d never let them see you ‘au naturel.’ And you keep holding back, not showing yourself, not only physically, but emotionally, energetically. Not being all of yourself because you were hurt one too many times by people who said you were too much or not enough. And so you hold back because you so desperately want them to like you, love you and you end up feeling compromised and they end up feeling rejected.
Or you’re eating too much, eating the wrong things, drinking too much, abusing your body and mind with whichever substances and practices you use. And where once they used to make you feel good, they now simply make you feel numb and sometimes not even that. The best you can hope for is to just not feel as bad as you do without it. But you feel worse because you hate yourself for doing it, for the self abuse and lack of dignity and self discipline.
You’re stuck in a loop for sure.
BUT YOU CAN THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF IT!
And that’s where you start.
Tony Robbins talks about Massive Action and I see lots of coaches deliver this kind of advice to clients. Which in theory is great and if you’ve not been stuck, mentally, emotionally, physically stuck in a rut, maybe it is.
But, when you’re stuck and have been for days, weeks, months, even years – all your energy is going on just keeping your head above water. There’s nothing left in you for massive fucking action.
So, here’s what you do. You take it slow, you make it small, you choose baby steps, tiny actions, the slightest nudge in the right direction.
Imagine you want to get fitter. Having spent the past 4 – 5 months of Lockdown eating your anxiety and sitting on the sofa watching the grim news reports from across the world, you feel you must do something now. Didn’t we all do that to some extent? What a global sh!tshow, with so many world leaders showing exactly how not to inspire and lead their populations. What else would one do but eat and watch in horror and repeat daily?
The mass anxiety created not just by the corona virus pandemic but also by poor public health messaging. contradictory signals from leaders, actually full on ridiculous clownish performances from ill educated populist presidents and prime ministers and conspiracy theories on steroids across social media put almost everyone into a regressive state of physical and mental health.
But now, you want to start to shake that off, and in a burst of motivation, they do happen! you decide on the couch to 5K goal. You reckon you can do that for sure.
And every day since making that decision, you’ve maybe thought, ‘Right, lets go, let’s get started, 5k, starting today.’ And you get swamped by feelings of how huge that goal is, how far away it is from where you’re at right now and you get more and more down about yourself as you don’t start it, you keep putting it off and nothing changes.
Lets try this instead. Think about the 5k goal. Just think about it, but not how far away it is, how difficult, how onerous, I want you to think about being at the end of that first 5k run, you’ve done it, you did it. You achieved what once felt impossible, a mountain to climb, but climb it you fucking did!
Feel the smile stretching across your face, the elation flowing through your bloodstream, the celebration of that moment and how precious it is for you. All it proves to you about what you’re capable of.
Now go put your runners on. (Runners is Irish for trainers) That’s it. That’s all you have to do. And celebrate having gotten those trainers out of their box and putting them on. Just as much as you celebrated that imaginary but really important victory crossing the 5K line.
That’s it. That’s all you have to do today. And tomorrow and until you’re ready for more.
When you’re ready and only when you’re ready, open up the door and if you’re ready for it, step outside. Whoohoo! How about that! Fantastic. A huge step forward. Amazing, well done.
And every small step gets celebrated. Tiny step forward in mind and body + big celebration. That fuels your mind and body, it gives your brain the necessary chemical hit to encourage and repeat this behaviour. This is how you make a habit stick. Start small, celebrate and build on it.
Whatever it is you want to change in your life, think of the end goal, think of the steps that you might take to get there and break them down into tiny, incremental steps and start small. Taking those baby steps. That’s where you start and that’s how you create effective, long lasting change behaviour.
Now, I’m not saying Massive Action won’t get you Massive Results as per Tony Robbins and his like minded colleagues. But I know most of us who are struggling with life can’t even bear to contemplate what that might look like.
However, wanting to make a change that’s going to have a positive, long lasting effect on your life can be done much more easily by starting small, tiny in fact. And every time you repeat, it compounds, grows and builds until you look back and think, ‘What the actual fuck! I did it!.’
It might seem like its going to take a long time and that’s why people don’t do it. But slow and steady will get you there. Thinking big and never starting or starting big and stopping will never take you to where you want to be.
Tiny is Mighty.
And every action starts with a thought, so you can ALWAYS think you’re way out of any situation.
Start within. Always, start within.
PS. If you’ve been stuck, feeling like you’ve been living the same day over and over and its no fun anymore, if you’ve fought weight issues, depression, anxiety, addiction, or simply a feeling of general dissatisfaction with how your life is unfolding for you, and you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. It’s natural to feel that a solution is almost impossible.
That’s part of what keeps the problem in place.
But real lasting change is possible.
Think how it would feel achieving your goals with far less resistance, whether it’s dropping excess weight, gaining freedom from depression and anxiety, being a rockstar in your business or career, or excelling in your personal relationships. You can do it, you have no fears about staying stuck and not moving forward anymore.
See yourself fully present and grounded, living with total fulfillment and satisfaction with how life is unfolding for you, with no regrets, as you carve your own path forward, moving forward always forward, no looking back .
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