Before I enroll a client to work with me, I speak to them on what I call a ‘compatibility call’ to ascertain whether or ot we’re a good fit, that I can help them and most importantly, that their level of commitment matches what’s required to make the changes I can lead them to.
Their part of the conversation is usually around the change they want to make in life and how its just not happening. It might be that one wants to set up in business doing something they love and yet they sit at home making no progress because their time is spent worrying about what other people might say, worrying about being good enough, worrying so much about the possibility of failing that they don’t even get started.
For another it will be allowing love into their life in the form of a new relationship after past heartache and hurt and yet they spend every date pointing out their flaws, weaknesses, their past mistakes and missteps, talking about how it has always gone wrong for them in the past while inside they’re begging the other person to see who they really are, to see their true worth.
And there are those who are incredibly talented at what they do and yet undermine themselves constantly, to the point that some even make themselves physically sick when they’ve taken on a new commission or new client until it reaches the stage where they celebrate when people cancel or don’t show up and they’re left with no work and a huge feeling of sick relief.
Perhaps you’ve already noticed how all these problems are essentially the same thing?
And maybe its something you’re going through too, wanting something to come into your life; love, success, freedom, fulfillment, a change you have been craving maybe for years.
Ant it never happens, or when it does, its not enough or not consistent and you’re still dissatisfied and miserable and craving change. Just like the examples above, you find ways to undermine yourself, maybe you say to yourself things like ‘Life’s not fair, it’ll happen for her and him but not for me.’ And we often see that in the world don’t we? Good things happening to other people, people who don’t seem all that very different to you and yet you’re still stuck, good things still not happening here!
Think about what you’re thinking about.
Take the first example above and let’s call her Abbie. Abbie wants to start a new business as a Make Up Artist (MUA). She’s completed all her training, gotten her licence, has all the products and brushes she could ever need for every eventuality. Abbie constantly watches YouTube videos and Instagram influencers in her field, she’s always refining her techniques based on what she sees. This lady is on it. She’s got it all covered and more. she’s done everything she can to get ready to launch.
And yet, nothing. when she gets home from her day job, she’s too tired, too demoralised even give her dream business any of her energy. Instead of investing even an hour to bring this dream into reality, she’s frozen in fear. ‘I can’t do it.’ ‘There are so many people better at this than me out there.’ ‘I don’t even know where to start.’
Abbie calls me to talk about her lack of motivation, that’s what she wants me to help her with and she spends ages talking about how when she gets home she just can’t motivate herself to do anything related to her make up business. But its obvious to me that lack of motivation is not Abbie’s issue.
This woman is highly motivated, Look at what she’s already accomplished, her training, receiving her professional licence, constantly practicing on friends, continually upleveling her skills and techniques through online tutorials.
Motivation is not lacking here.
Think about Abbie sitting at home, wanting to move forward and yet not doing anything to help herself. What do you see? I see a person at war with themselves. On one side is the natural impulse for growth, to be creative and express herself in her chosen field, determined to build a business and a life that is fun and fulfilling and brings her great financial rewards too, to create a platform for her creativity, her skills .
On the other side is her programming, the beliefs she absorbed from the world around her, especially during childhood, beliefs that now come to define the world she lives in, so the world looks like she believes it to be and so she sees more of what she believes and that reinforces the original belief.
When someone like Abbie says ‘I’m not motivated,’ ‘I’m not loveable.’ ‘I’m not good enough.’ I ask where they see that in the world. Where’s the actual evidence, not what they believe but real, tangible evidence, incontrovertible, undeniable proof of those words.
And it’s just not there.
What is there is a belief. A belief put in place because of an event or circumstance that looked like it happened because that is the only explanation at the time that makes sense.
Let me explain that with a simple example. Someone believes they’re not lovable. Why? Maybe because, as a child their parents were always working and never around. The child, with all the reasoning available to a four year decides that her parents are never around because she’s not lovable and they don’t want to be around her.
Sound reasoning for someone who can’t rationalise the actions of her parents, who are working so hard to provide a home, food, toys, clothes, education for their daughter. The reason they’re working so hard is because they love her, not because they don’t.
And yet, that belief persists and so our little girl goes out into the world with the belief ‘I’m not lovable’ and so everything she experiences conforms to that belief and reinforces it. And it all stemmed from the original misunderstanding of her parents’ actions.
The beliefs you have are not in the world, they’re in your head and they create the boundaries of the world you see and live in.
When you really want change and yet are struggling to implement it in your life, Think About Your Thinking.
Its probably a whole lot of ‘I can’t do it,’ ‘Nothing works out for me.’ ‘I always mess up.’ ‘They’re all going to laugh and mock me for even thinking I could do this.’ ‘I’m getting too big for my boots here.’ ‘Who do I think I am?’ and the perennial favourite that almost everyone has to some degree ‘I’m not enough.’
Think about yourself thinking those thoughts. Feel how caught up you are in them and the feelings they create in your body, and now think about how you are able to observe yourself thinking those thoughts and feeling those feelings. What does that mean?
Who are you? are you the one thinking those shitty, disempowering thoughts, having those horrible sensations in your body or are you the one observing the thoughts and feelings?
You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. You are not your words, nor your actions. They exist within you and come from you and they are not you. You can observe all of these, you can be aware of all of them and not be them.
What does that make your thoughts, your feelings, words and actions?
Programmes. These are programmes you run, patterns of thoughts and behaviour you have adopted and adapted to aid your survival. Their primary goal is to ensure you survive no matter the cost and they are extremely risk averse.
You may be unhappy where you’re at, you may want change but the programmes running your life know that you are safe and able to survive your current circumstances. Yes, it may not be great and far from what you want, but you’re alive and to the programming, that’s what matters.
That’s why, when someone comes to me and says ‘I lack motivation,’ or ‘I can’t attract a decent partner,’ or ‘I’ve lost confidence,’ I don’t just do a single session quick fix. Because the issue they’ve come to me with is the tip of the iceberg, the visible manifestation of much deeper long held beliefs that restrict their ability to bring the changes they long for into their reality.
That’s why I refer clients to my Change for Life programme, a series of sessions designed to change their programming at the deepest, most fundamental level. Wanting lasting change means going deep.
Don’t try to change the outside world before you change your inner world.
That’s what Change for Life is all about. My signature client programme, that gives you the tools to heal, to remove old patterns of thinking and behaving and install new paradigms of thought that serve you and offer the benefits and outcomes you want and need.
My Change for Life Product Tour is coming soon. Listen in once its released to judge whether or not its right for you.
When you want to help yourself without committing to a series of HypnoTherapyCoaching, you can. simply by practicing awareness. Catch your thinking, change you focus. Catch your thinking, change your focus. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Train your mind to think the thoughts that serve you and your goals.
Get your RWID manta ready, use it often. All the time. Instead of turning on the radio or tv, sit and repeat your RWID mantra. Think of the thing you want: love, success in your career, financial freedom, connection, happiness, a home filled with family and friends.
And keep thinking about it, over and over and over and over. And when you then get a thought, a nudge in the direction to take, an inspired action or idea. Take it, do it, implement it.
No hesitation, no delay. Don’t look further than that action for now. Do that, and then hold your thoughts, your goals, your dreams and allow the next right thing to do to show up as another inspired thought or idea. And do that. and the next. and the next. One thing at a time, always holding the end goal in mind.
And you can start small, start with baby steps, that’s always easier. When you get that directive of inspired thought, take action. And keep moving forward towards your goals.
After all, even if you’re moving ever so slowly, its infinitely better than no progress at all.
Change for Life:The Self Restorer is available in person or via online Zoom sessions.
All you need to build your life without limits is inside of you. Release the brakes, set yourself free.
A life with no limits, let’s go for it.
Make contact to book your amazing experience today. Email, message, to reserve your compatibility call.